Ever since childhood, I have been a person with her own set of beliefs and principles. While some of these have been bestowed upon by my mother, who is one of a kind, others have grown in me with time. While I might seem like just another ordinary person in a big crowd, a follower blindly following the leaders, I have tried my best to find my own place in this world even if it meant following the normal path. After all, what is wrong in following the normal path if that is what you want? However, my normal path has had its own deviations and discoveries along the way.
To be a child of a person who has been a theatre artist, is extremely passionate about everything art and is very stubborn in her ways, you never have a normal childhood. As a child, I was exposed to the world of art, drama, artists and everything bohemian. Instead of being taken to gardens and parks (which seems normal for any kid), I was attending exhibitions and fairs where people from all over the world (literally) came to share their art and stories with us. These people were different – their work made them different. The dedication and passion that they put in their work was mesmerizing and amusing. Even when their work was not being appreciated to the extent it should have, they kept going on without any doubt or hesitation in heart. These people did not care about the world and their work was enough for them. These are the same people who gave me inspiration to be my own person and love what I do, no matter what it is.
With all this in my heart, I started on a journey of discovering what I am passionate about. This involved me attending various workshops – classical and western dance, singing (at which I sucked, still do) glass painting, typing (Yup, I learnt that too, on a typewriter. Fun!), programming, cooking and what not. Instead of being at home during summers, I was always on my cycle paddling around the city from one workshop to another. While I might not have succeeded at everything that I did, these activities did help me to peek into and understand better a world of the artists I had been admiring for so long. Not only these little yet big indulgences help me to appreciate and respect these art forms better but also contributed to mould myself the way I am today.
While I thought very highly of this world, slowly and surely, I was moving away and trying to be an ordinary kid who gets to sleep till late in the morning, play whenever she wants to and do nothing during her holidays. I know Maa pushed me for my own good but I started to resist from getting too involved. That, by far, is the biggest mistake of my life. What I failed to acknowledge was that very few people in this world get the opportunity and has that potential to do something extraordinary, something that makes them special. And yes, I do believe that it is essential to be special to really appreciate yourself. I had that potential in me and I let it go.
Though I regret my decision of letting go, it is still in me and is still something that I really want to pursue in my life.
Today, even though I am a student of Economics, I am trying to pursue and get better at all that I once admired and tried to make my way through. My decision of choosing Economics was not something taken under the influence of others. My Maa wasn’t very sure of my choice and she had good reasons for it. But as mother as daughter, my stubbornness made her change her decision. I am proud of my decision and want to pursue it further. That being said, I am also going to keep my love for all things art alive and find little avenues to explore my hidden arts as well.
So, if you ever see me at an art exhibition or at a music festival, wandering aimlessly just hours before her exam, don’t panic. That is me simply being me, trying to find myself.
“We are therefore constantly on the road, straying from one mental image to the next, and identify with these images, and derive our identity from the images.” – Frank M. Wanderer